I’ve been back from my first vacation at a resort for almost a week now, and I still cannot let go of the experience I had there. The feeling of belonging to something or somewhere, which I consciously wanted to seek out.
I do still believe that the essence (Here I go again, my favorite word) for me, was just to live there without the shackles of clothing, and nothing else. I never came there to be social. (I’m still hardly social in my daily life, it is hard for me to keep up appearances of being a sorority sister..In fact it is very exhausting at times) So I stepped through the gates of that resort and letting go of everything which was pressuring me in my daily life. With the removal of clothes, came the removal of anxiety, insecurity, fear of failure, peer pressure and so forth.
When in my cabin, I believe I could have written an entire chapter under the name “It Is Really Okay.” just to calm myself down and knowing that I have landed in a safe haven. I needed the first hour to allow myself to settle in, and then finally being able to function as a human sans clothing. The first moments outside were like walking a rope, just walking around, dressed only in..Well, my earrings and my ankle bracelet, and shyly with my bag holding the camera in front of my chest, basically adapting the function of a not so elegant technological bra, which didnt really help much.
Oh, then someone actually talked to me…While I was complete nude !(panic, right?!) Panic for a second, because she was an employee welcoming me there, and giving me some leaflet about activities. I smiled and acted normal and put the leaflet in my camera bag. In my mind I was going ‘act normal act normal, everyone is a naturist here, you’re cool’ and I noticed that I really needed to room to breathe. You see, one of my absolute greatest phobias is what other people think of me. You can imagine that this expanded alot post-initiation run and all the ridicule and embarrasment that followed in the aftermath. At times, I even catch myself doing it here, as I will strongly react to any comments made towards me. I quickly interpret something like a hostile act and will react accordingly to protect myself. That’s why it is probably not a good idea for me, to have a naturistic profile photo, as I will most likely react in a fierce way with a poised finger on the ‘block’ button.
I walked a bit further and approached a field with lots of flowers and butterflies dancing around, and a mirrorlike small lake in the distance. This was the first time in the resort when I eased down somewhat..This is what I was looking for, the beauty of nature, feeling natural. I put my camera down beside me, lay down in the grass and just absorbed the moment. No photo, no phone, nothing. Breathing the moment in and out, enjoying the scenery. It was an almost spiritual out of my body experience, because in my mind I could see myself lying there. Hard to describe, easy to feel.
After spending my first afternoon there, I walked back to my cabin, greeted other naturists who were there. I was unafraid anymore what others would think of me, as I now realised, that it was not the nudity of the body that was important, but the nudity of thought. What does it even matter? We are all humans on a journey to something more, something deeper, some seek it on the highest snowy mountains, others find it in a resort…A You within You, the real you, so to say. I have found myself, and I can say to myself, I am a naturist, and I am not alone.
Source: Clothes Free Life
Original publication 15 December, 2020
Posted on NatCorn 4th January 2021
Reference to an article does not infer endorsement of any views expressed.